4 Months in..

I haven't written anything in a while, but I think its about time that I start...

Things have been...wild here in California. I can't explain it any other way really. The emotional rollercoaster I have been on seems never ending, just when I think the ride has come to stop and I begin to unbuckle my seat belt...BAM. There I go. Up that hill again and around new twists and turns that I swear were never there before.  It has been four months and I have yet to land myself an animation job and now, when I start up the search again, I get so quickly defeated at the lack of response that I get depressed from even trying. But I try to press onward. I stop for a weeks and then start up randomly. It's just hard to put your all into something when you're getting nothing back in return. I think I only received one e-mail from all of the companies and positions that I applied for. One. It was a rejection, but I was just thrilled to know that I really am sending these out to human beings! I have my Toys R Us job, which is pretty chill (except for a lot of the guests this time of year. Hooooly grumps! Its the holidays people, perk up!) and I love all of the people I work with. Everyone is just so fun and friendly that it makes the job way less dreadful to go to. But, I still dread it. Just because I'm disappointed in myself for not getting something in my field. I know its a tough market right now, but that will not stop me from being hard on myself. Although, I wish I wasn't..

Besides that, my homesickness REFUSES to leave me. I think it may just be because its Christmas time and I'm pretty alone out here with no snow and nothing to make me feel all warm and Christmas-y. But it could just be that I'm depressed, I feel useless, and I feel completely alone for a good chunk of everyday. Thank heavens I'm starting to work mostly 8 hour shifts 5 days a week! Seriously though, I can't snap out of this. One day I'm fine and I'm so proud of myself for doing all of this all, on my own, and for the next two days I'm a weep ball of sadness that's constantly on the verge of tears and continually requesting to go home or to see her family.  I need something to happen soon. I keep wondering if I really am meant to live so far away from home. And I keep wondering what will become of Nick and I if this cycle continues. I'm dreadfully afraid of what might happen for us in the future, but I have to keep telling myself that things all happen for a reason and that everything will fall into place somewhere down the road. I just have to keep plugging along. Or...something like that

Some good news is that I have gotten a few Christmas cards, which definitely made me feel loved and Nicolaus was up a few weeks ago. We had a blast and saw and did a lot of super fun things. I should have written about that, however I sort of forgot that Blogspot existed. OOPS! Also, in less than two weeks I'll be home in Rochacha again for about 10 days or so. I really can't wait to see the family..I just don't know how I am going to bring myself to leave it all!

Ah well, until next time!